Thursday, November 29, 2007

Infertility ~ God's Refining Fire in My Life

What has God used in your life to 'refine' you? Many of us can point to at least one 'life-changing' or 'life-challenging' event, situation, or circumstance that God has used to teach and shape us, while some of us may currently be in the midst of those times.

For me, it was our struggle with infertility. There are many facets to our story, but the bottom line and end result has been God taught me about His sovereignty, His immutability, His long-suffering, His love, His goodness--His awesomeness. And quite frankly, it still frequently leaves me speechless.

Like recently when I've chatted with sisters-in-Christ who are not only chronologically younger, but spiritually younger. I remind them that what God is doing in their lives right now will be firmly woven into the 'fabric' of who the are in Christ. It's often uncomfortable, and even confusing. But we have the hope--the assurance--that God is at work and will accomplish His will in each of us, for His glory!

I've recently been reminded of how God has 'woven' infertility into who I am today, as I came across a collection of my 'infertility' poems that I wrote almost 20 years ago! Would you believe that the tears still flow freely and heavily as I read those poems? But they're not tears of hopelessness, they are tears from God's child recalling the 'momentary' and 'light affliction' that He brought me through in order to plant my feet solidly on hope and trust in Him!

Before the Lord saved me, I wrote poems mostly when I was considering suicide. Yes, I did consider suicide many times--sadly it was mostly over a relationship with a boy. I can only recall writing maybe one or two 'happy' poems in my life. So, you can understand how deep and dark the valley was when you read my 'infertility' poems--no suicide thoughts, but very deep in the valley.

It's difficult being in the valley, but as you 'age' in Christ you realize that the valley is where Christ makes us more like Him and shows us our utter hopelessness without Him.

I've decided to share my 'infertility' poems here and now for a couple of reasons. First, I want to show other Xian sisters that God does indeed have a purpose in the trials He providentially brings us. Secondly, I hope my 'transparency' will help other Xian sisters to see and realize that my life is not and has not always been 'rosy'! There's such a temptation among Xians to look at others and become discouraged or deluded--thinking that everyone else has it all together, or that they don't struggle. Nothing could be further from the truth! If you see someone whose spiritual life you respect or admire--ask them to tell you about the 'refining fires' they've already walked through. There are many riches that come from the ashes of those fires!

I'll be posting my 'infertility poems' later today in a separate post--I hope you will give God the glory for His refining fire!


Elle said...

I'll look forward to reading these, having been through a secondary infertility process. I wish that as a young Christian someone had told me what you shared with those sisters regarding how Christ weaves the fabric. I'm very grateful for the refining fire, though still singed in some areas, I know His polishing is not yet complete. His glory is continually my hope and promise for refining fire whether still to come or ongoing.

Ann said...

Undoubtedly, the Lord leads us and takes us through difficulties we wouldn't choose for ourselves for His glory and often by them prepares us for future experiences He has sovereignly planned for us .

Kristine said...

I do look forward to reading these; thank you for sharing them.