Practicing Theology - Mother's Day and barrenness

Update (05/09/07): Imagine my delight (and surprise!) to see that Girl Talk has posted THIS today titled "Infertility and Mother's Day"! I'm always delighted to see other Xian women addressing this topic and encouraging their sisters in the midst of this trial--may God receive all the glory!

This Mother's Day will be only my fifth one as a mother. While I will do as I have always done, I will honor my own mother and remind her how much she is loved and how much I appreciate everything she has done and sacrificed for me, I will also reflect on nineteen earlier Mother's Days when I approached the holiday with much caution and often avoidance.

Please don't jump to the conclusion that I took every opportunity for a "pity-party" while I was childless--I didn't. God kindly granted me the grace to attend and enjoy just about every baby shower I've ever been invited to attend! He also gave me the grace to assist a dear friend during the early hours of labor with her first child--after two miscarriages. So, it is clear to those who know me that while my own heart ached for children, I was not avoiding or "punishing" others who the Lord had graciously and sovereignly blessed.

No, I approach this holiday with caution because of the unwitting pain we in the Church sometimes cause our barren sisters-in-Christ. In many churches this Sunday there will be a literal parade of mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and maybe even great-great-grandmothers. And as obedient and loving Xians we will welcome these people--some of whom rarely attend a house of worship--and proceed to hold them up before the congregation. They'll be asked to stand, or asked how far away they live, how many children they have, how many grandchildren they have, who has the largest family with them, etc.

And if you watch carefully in the pews, you're likely to see at least one, maybe two or three young, and some "not so young", women wipe a tear or two from the corner of her eye--maybe even get up and leave the sanctuary for a brief time. Her husband will likely remain seated--knowing that she'll regain her composure soon and return, but he's found that he's all but helpless during times like these. She'll put on a brave face and cling to God's promises to be her all in all, and she'll remind herself of His complete sovereignty, and how His plans are for her good, but the damage will have been done--the Body of Christ has unwittingly wounded a fellow-believer.

I hope you won't think I'm being harsh or overly dramatic. Although I am no longer childless, I am still very much barren--according to God's sovereign will, for His good purpose--my heart still aches for fellow-sisters. Sisters who often suffer quietly while many around them are held in high honor for something that has come very "naturally" to them, but has been impossible to others--according to God's plan.

So, this Mother's Day, if you know of a childless couple in your congregation I encourage you to call them, send them an email, or talk to them face-to-face. Do as I've done since I'm no longer childless--I seek out the childless couples and ask them if Mother's Day and Father's Day are particularly difficult for them. If it is, I assure them of my prayers for God to work His perfect will in them as they wait on Him.

Sidenote: You may find THIS video to be of interest, it's called "Empty Arms". It doesn't appear to be written from a Xian perspective--no hope or trust in God's plan or purposes--but nonetheless very accurately expresses the emotions of many childless couples.

Practicing Theology - Behold, children are a gift of the LORD...

I invite you to visit THIS blog post. It's from a new blog that was brought to my attention through Tim Challis. I haven't spent much time reading the other posts, but as you can imagine this particular post caught my attention--wonder why? :-)

As I read the various comments I considered how our culture's thinking has wrongly influence our thinking regarding family and children. More specifically, the notion that choosing to be childless could be in line with God's revealed will and/or even a noble choice in the case of a difficult marriage?

I submitted a rather lengthy comment (which is awaiting moderation) in which I shared my primary concern:

Because I've walked on both paths--childless and motherhood--I urge us all to consider how we should strive to agree with and hold forth God's revealed thinking on this matter, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord!" (Psalm 127:3) . I don't know of any other "gift" from God to which we so readily say "no thank you".

I welcome your thoughts here on my blog--do you think that the Church is allowing (welcoming) our culture to influence us to disagree with God's view on this?

Mommy Wars being fought on a new front

I'm disappointed--NOT surprised--that there continues to be a willful ignorance among feminists regarding the nature of work, satisfaction and acheivement enjoyed by stay-at-home mothers. This was hightlighted today by Carla Rolfe's post at her Reflections of the Times blog.

However, I'm encouraged to see that the feminists have been forced to adopt a new tactic--riding on the coat-tails of the gay rights movement! The American feminist movement has admittedly languished in recent years, so naturally they must find a new front from which to fight.

Be encouraged stay-at-home moms, even though we continue to be misrepresented, our diligence and contentment is impacting the world--way beyond our front doors!

Preparing our daughters

If you're not acquainted with the "Girl Talk" blog, here's an article they posted that many mothers and daughters will find interesting.

As the mother of 16 and 13 yr. old daughters, I am constantly working to show them a balanced view of Godly homemaking and Godly secular pursuits. It appears that God has gifted/prepared them in various areas of interest--the challenge is pursuing those for God's glory as a single woman, and hopefully (later) as a wife and mother!

Enoy the article, then let me know your thoughts on preparing your daughters for faithful service in and to God's kingdom.

Theology in action: I am the mother of a new driver

We reached another "milestone" in our family today, our oldest daughter earned her driver's permit! While I definitely share in her joy (we celebrated with a trip to a frozen yogurt shop) I realized that this is just as much a "milestone" for me as it is for her. It is yet another area that the Lord has ordained to teach me to trust Him more.

One of our "little birds" will soon be venturing out of the nest that we lovingly and carefully crafted for her and her sister. I have no concerns that she will willingly return to the safety of our nest over and over in the months and years to come, but it's the dangers and predators outside of our nest that concern me most. THAT is where my trust in the Lord is going to be stretched and refined.

I will be learning to trust Him in ways I never have had to before--all part of my sanctification, ordained by Him. Will I trust Him when she's late getting home from a visit to a friend's house? Will I pray instead of fret when I hear on the radio about a traffic accident? Will I show compassion and mercy when she announces that she backed into another car in a parking lot? Will I be more concerned about the condition of the family vehicle than the condition of her growing responsibility?

Yes, we reached another "milestone" in our family today--and by God's grace there will be MANY more to come!

The Heart of a Mother - theology in action

Even if you're only casually familiar with scripture, you can easily see the many examples God provided of others putting their theology into practice--good (biblical) theology and bad (unbiblical) theology. But do you realize that God continues to provide us plenty of real-life examples today of people "practicing theology"--good theology and bad theology?

In the days, weeks, months, and years to come, I hope to offer posts that will help us establish, embrace, and practice "good"Biblical theology. And, as a part of that goal, I hope to post plenty of real-life examples of other Xian women practicing theology, so you will be encouraged in your walk, as well!

With that in mind, I'm posting the following excerpt from the email of a Xian friend in our church. She recently sent out an email update on the condition of her youngest child who was born with spina bifida--he had recently begun to experience unexplained excruciating pain. The email opened with her thanks to the Body of Christ in our local church for prayers, cards, meals, baby sitting, etc. She then gave us the details of the doctors' reports and the present course of treatment. Her closing words put the matter into a Biblical perspective, and caused my focus to turn from the human realm--Xians serving and ministering, doctors probing and explaining--to the One who knows every detail, ordained every detail, and is in control of every detail. He is worthy to be praised, even in the midst of our trials.

"So where does that leave us? In the best possible position . . . with tender hearts on bended knees before the all-wise God who lovingly knit our Tim's (name has been changed for this post) spine together just the way He thought it should be. And what a blessing it has been! No, I am not just saying that, I truly consider spina bifida to have been a blessing to this family. What selfishness it has exposed in my own heart! How it has demanded that I die to myself, that I take my thoughts captive rather than be steamrolled by worry. How deep the gratitude it has created for a God who would condescend to send His Son to suffer pain, I know how hard it is to watch your child hurt! (How silly that sounds, because taking the sins of the world and being crucified is so much bigger than spina bifida, but still.) And because of HIS pain, I am able to come to HIM with my worry, my sinful, selfish, lazy heart, my fear. I can come boldly before the throne of grace. Should I use this amazing opportunity to march before His throne, tell him how inconvenienced I am by my child having spina bifida, demand He heal it? No, no, NO!!!! May I use the gift that His Son's suffering provided to lay myself and my own son at His feet. May I humbly serve Him with whatever task He places in my hands. May I adore Him, love Him and praise Him, knowing He is constantly with me, giving me the strength, courage and patience to be a good mom, to raise Tim in the nurture and admonition of the Lord that I love. And I pray that one day Tim himself will come boldly before the throne of grace, not to ask for anything, just to bend his knee and worship."

There's really nothing else I need to add to this post. I pray that the words and example of this sister-in-Christ will be an encouragement to you in the trial you may be enduring by His providence, for His Glory alone (Rom. 8:28-30).