Practicing Theology - Mother's Day and barrenness

Update (05/09/07): Imagine my delight (and surprise!) to see that Girl Talk has posted THIS today titled "Infertility and Mother's Day"! I'm always delighted to see other Xian women addressing this topic and encouraging their sisters in the midst of this trial--may God receive all the glory!

This Mother's Day will be only my fifth one as a mother. While I will do as I have always done, I will honor my own mother and remind her how much she is loved and how much I appreciate everything she has done and sacrificed for me, I will also reflect on nineteen earlier Mother's Days when I approached the holiday with much caution and often avoidance.

Please don't jump to the conclusion that I took every opportunity for a "pity-party" while I was childless--I didn't. God kindly granted me the grace to attend and enjoy just about every baby shower I've ever been invited to attend! He also gave me the grace to assist a dear friend during the early hours of labor with her first child--after two miscarriages. So, it is clear to those who know me that while my own heart ached for children, I was not avoiding or "punishing" others who the Lord had graciously and sovereignly blessed.

No, I approach this holiday with caution because of the unwitting pain we in the Church sometimes cause our barren sisters-in-Christ. In many churches this Sunday there will be a literal parade of mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and maybe even great-great-grandmothers. And as obedient and loving Xians we will welcome these people--some of whom rarely attend a house of worship--and proceed to hold them up before the congregation. They'll be asked to stand, or asked how far away they live, how many children they have, how many grandchildren they have, who has the largest family with them, etc.

And if you watch carefully in the pews, you're likely to see at least one, maybe two or three young, and some "not so young", women wipe a tear or two from the corner of her eye--maybe even get up and leave the sanctuary for a brief time. Her husband will likely remain seated--knowing that she'll regain her composure soon and return, but he's found that he's all but helpless during times like these. She'll put on a brave face and cling to God's promises to be her all in all, and she'll remind herself of His complete sovereignty, and how His plans are for her good, but the damage will have been done--the Body of Christ has unwittingly wounded a fellow-believer.

I hope you won't think I'm being harsh or overly dramatic. Although I am no longer childless, I am still very much barren--according to God's sovereign will, for His good purpose--my heart still aches for fellow-sisters. Sisters who often suffer quietly while many around them are held in high honor for something that has come very "naturally" to them, but has been impossible to others--according to God's plan.

So, this Mother's Day, if you know of a childless couple in your congregation I encourage you to call them, send them an email, or talk to them face-to-face. Do as I've done since I'm no longer childless--I seek out the childless couples and ask them if Mother's Day and Father's Day are particularly difficult for them. If it is, I assure them of my prayers for God to work His perfect will in them as they wait on Him.

Sidenote: You may find THIS video to be of interest, it's called "Empty Arms". It doesn't appear to be written from a Xian perspective--no hope or trust in God's plan or purposes--but nonetheless very accurately expresses the emotions of many childless couples.